Jonah Lisa Land

Superbad

You all know we've been trying for second kid for a couple of months now.  I wrote about Fuck Week when I first started the blog.  This isn't really about that.  This is about the brilliant simplicity of men.  May they never change.

Him:  Hey, is Fuck Week over?

Me:  Yes.  We'll know in 2 weeks.

Him:  Cool.  <long pause>  I was thinking...

Me:  <Uh-oh.  This should be good.>

Him:  ...since Fuck Week is over, maybe this week should be Suck Week.

Zeitgeist

Have you ever noticed that just when you have the most brilliant idea ever...someone else has it too? 

It doesn't particularly bother me.  I put a lot of ideas out there in the world out there so it stands to reason that some of them will bounce back.  Plus, I gave up trying to walk on the cutting edge when I left New York City--I couldn't afford the handbags it takes.  But I do find the phenomenon really fascinating.

The other day I said to myself, "Gee..." I always say Gee to myself.  "Gee, I think I'll write about children's books I don't like.  All the Moms blog about books they love."  A cool enough idea, right?  Think again.  I read through a month's worth of Parent Hacks the other day and see that they did a whole contest on this in the same friggin month!  I guess we were all on the same page.  Very cool contest though on creepiest children's books with many freaky and annoying titles I didn't mention. 

It happens with movie ideas, too.  We called our agents recently and pitched an idea we thought had everything--it was exciting, it had a hook, a great lead character.  It was the kind of movie idea that if executed well could be a 4th of July release and make Will Smith think, "Damn, I wish I'd thought of that!".  Big, big, big.  Our agent told us it was great!  So great in fact, another writer sold it to Fox 6 months earlier.  Back to the old drawing board as they say in the funnies.

There's nothing untoward going on.  Nobody overheard anybody else in an elevator and stole their magic.  Sometimes you just tap into the collective consciousness and start riding a wave that's already surging anyway. 

Still, I'm always surprised.  I always think, "Uh oh, I guess I'm less interesting and unique than I thought."

That's the key really.  It's a very big world out there.  People are doing all sorts of interesting things and it's not that unusual for many of them, not just a few, but many, to be doing the same thing as you.  And yes, even thinking the same thing as you.  Spoooooky.  True originality is really, really, REALLY hard.  Everybody hits it once in a while but more often than not, you're just tapping into the cosmic jelly.  And so is everyone else.

In fact, somebody's probably already written this post.

How dirty text messaging can save your marriage

Alright the title is a bit of a hyperbole but I bet it got your attention.  My marriage doesn't really need saving, just a little freshening up.  Whose doesn't? 

I got an iPhone for Christmas and started goofing around with it.  I just thought that instead of texting "Test 1, 2, 3," I might as well have a little fun.  The amount of fun I unleashed with one little TM was quite a shocker. 

I'm sure the kids have been doing this for years but since I'm not 16, and the last time I was single cell phones were the size of a shoebox, I guess I'm out of the loop.  Not only was my surprise a huge turn-on for him, it also made me feel immediately playful.  It reminded me of passing funny but dangerous notes in class.   I couldn't wait to see his reaction.  For anyone who's been with their spouse for more than 5 years (try 14 here!) and has kids, you know that feeling playful with your spouse is a very BIG DEAL!

And the best thing about it?  You don't have to be in the mood.  You could be taking a break from the laundry or waiting at the bank or sitting on the couch making sure your toddler stays on the naughty step.  You just pop off a quick text message from your cell phone to his and know that he's squirming somewhere.  In fact, the whole idea is to send it when he's not expecting it and can't do anything about it. 

There are a couple of ways to go with this, depending on your personal style.  Here are a few ideas to get you warmed up:

Demure

• thinking of u <sigh>
• don't use it all up and the gym

Graphic

• me so horny
• there's a thong up my ass with your name on it (It doesn't even have to be true!)
  
• want to wolf u down like a state fair corny dog

If you're really lucky, he'll reply and you can get a little back and forth going, if you get my drift.  Believe me, it's way easier than phone sex, which I've always found almost as comical as porn.  Which leads me to my next suggestion--feel free to get creative and use that dinky little camera to send some visual enticement as well.  And no, I won't be posting examples.

So...need a no fuss pick me up in your relationship?  Enter technology.

A little scratch

Seems like I share book links a good deal, so I've signed up for the Amazon Associates program. 

Basically this means that if you click onto Amazon from my site, I get a kick back on any purchase you make there.  And not just the item I recommended either.  Let's say, I recommend a great book like Level 4 Virus Hunters of the CDC and you click that link to check it out but you are like, "Whoa Nelly, that is NOT for me!  What are you trying to do, give me nightmares?"  But while you're there you think, "You know, I really do need a few more Surgical Masks."   And then you buy a big ole' box of Surgical Masks.  Weeeell, I get a teeny, tiny hit off that purchase--like a tip--for funneling your consumer-crazed, germophobic ass to Amazon.   

Now I'm all about getting my hands on extra couch change where I can find it, but it also kinda gives me the heebie jeebies to be sending business to a huge corporation.  So, I'd like to mention that I try really hard not to buy stuff from Amazon.  Living in the middle of nowhere as I do it's often unavoidable, but I generally use them as a resource for product pictures, specs and reviews.  When I'm interested in a book, I look it up on Amazon, decide if I really want it and if I do, I email the owner of my local bookshop.  She places her orders on Monday morning so if I email by then, I get my book by Wednesday!  With no shipping costs and my kick back goes to a local shop that I have a vested interest in keeping in business.  I'd love it if everyone did this.  It would keep more funky little Mom & Pop's in business.

However, I recognize that there are times when Amazon just scratches the consumer itch or when you can't find something locally.  So for those times, when you're going to buy from Amazon anyway, click through from The Toby Show! 

I'm happy to pocket a little of their dirty money--and spend it at my local bookshop! 

Christmas Hits & Misses

Well, the kid really did cleaned up.  Naturally, some things were more popular than others.  Now that he's had about a week to play with everything I can safely identify his favorites and the things he's still wondering, "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"

In general, his favorite thing was his gift from us Santa--the kitchen set up and food.  Thank God.  I had nightmares of presenting the felt food I'd labored over and getting a "Carrots? Does this mean I didn't get any Mega Blocks?" look.

But even more specifically, his absolute favorite Christmas gift is this. 

I'm not sure why but he carries this basket of wooden eggs around everywhere.  He moves them from the basket to the carton and back again countless times each day, he piles them all in his lap when he gets to watch a little Mickey Mouse or when we read books.  He loves these eggs. 

He also received a cowboy outfit, stick horse and a bouncy Rody horse.  He refuses to try on the chaps (who can blame him) and he can't quite manipulate the stick horse yet, but he adores the hat and the bouncy "neigh."

Close friends with 4 kids and lots of experience with toy selection sent this Eskimo set from Modern Tots and it is also a definite fav.  They're the ones who sent the cool cardboard playhouse mentioned here, but with the kitchen, the bouncy horse and the rocker all out already, we opted to save the playhouse and set it up in a few weeks.  Prolonging the magic, so to speak.

In the "also ran" category, I'll list Mommy's favorite gift Huck got.  This Tennessee Rocking Chair from Stephen's Dad and Step-Mom. It's a gorgeous piece of furniture that will probably last until he's around 6 or 7.  He'll eventually love it but he rarely sits in it at this point. Who am I kidding, he rarely sits at all.  Still, I managed to get this great shot on Christmas morning to send to the in-laws.

As far as misses go, there wasn't much.  The chaps, of course.  And my reading fanatic won't even let me  open Pigeon Loves Things That Go.  He shoves it away, says, "No read!" and gets another book.  Just doesn't like the look of it I guess.

The really big miss was Mr. Potato Head, who was immediately dubbed "spooky" and frankly, it's hard to argue with him on that one.

A lesson in cultural awareness

It recently came to my attention that the location of my birthday calendar might be a little interesting to some people, nay, perhaps even strange.  And of course, my antennae always up, this sounded like good blog fodder.

My husband grew up in Holland and his family brought a lovely tradition back home with them.  Just about everyone over there has a Verjaardagkalender, which simply means birthday calendar.  There are no days of the week, just a page for each month and a list of all the dates.  You can simply write in the birthdays of all your family and friends one time and then use the calendar year after year as a reminder. 

Nothing all that unusual, right? 

What's particular to the Dutch is the placement of this calendar. 

The bathroom.  Right beside the toilet.   

After all, you're surely guaranteed to spend some amount of time in there every day--the Dutch are not only very pragmatic, but also very regular.  And who doesn't get a little bored and start wondering about family and friends while they're stuck in there anyway? 

With this set up you're far less likely to let Aunt Fanny's birthday slip past without some acknowledgment (I know, there are just too many jokes).  And, BONUS!, if you provide a pen any guest can write in their own birthday as they attend to other things.  I've always been a sucker for multi-tasking myself.

An interesting cultural phenomenon?  Certainly. 

Strange?  Perhaps. 

Handy and practical?  Abso-freakin-loutely.

....................................................................................................

For anyone interested in bringing this little Dutch treat to their own bathroom, you can find authentic Dutch verjaardagkalenders at The Dutch Shop or more American style perpetual calendars at Amazon.

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I'm gonna kick that football to the moon, Lucy!

Happy New Year!

I know there's a whole backlash against the New Year's Resolution thing.  The super cool intellectual set think they're bourgeois and that we should all just make lifestyle changes as we need them throughout the year. 

Yeah sure, I get all that, but I also relish a new start and the hopeful, pregnant potential of starting a new year off with a plan for personal improvement.  And frankly, I need the kick in the pants that a national holiday with Hallmark cards and dorky traditions provides.  Even if I ditch them all by March, who cares.  I'll take a little self-loathing then for a few months of hope now.  That's just the kind of optimist I am.

To that end, here are my resolutions for 2008.

• Get out more with Huck.  I can be a bit of a homebody--I love my home--and I don't take him on outings as much as I should.  Part of it comes from the fact that I am slooooow to get started in the morning.  I'm also a Nap Nazi--for him, not me.  But especially as he gets older I know that getting out and doing stuff with him is really the best thing for his development and even for his sleep.  He needs more stimulation than endless days of playing farm and working puzzles can provide.  Check out Travels with Children to see where the spark of this resolution came from.  Linda has tons of great ideas for places to take the kids and tips for how to do it successfully.  And she is fearless--4 kids...all under 7...museums.  Need I say more?

• Take better care of myself.  Personal appearance, health, hygiene & exercise.  Notice this is a much more nebulous, open-ended inclusion of exercise than last year's yoga twice a week resolution--because after all, I like a good resolution but I hate feeling pressured.  And yes, hygiene does need to be included.  I'm not proud to say it but my problem has not been trying to find the time to take a shower since I had a baby, it's been trying to find the desire to.

• Get out more with my husband.  Hmm, never thought about it before but this might be somewhat linked to the hygiene thing.  Huge admission time here.  Huck will be 2 next month and we've had a babysitter come over at night so we could go out...twice.  There's a 15 year old girl that I love who lives next door!  She took a full babysitting course in Chicago including infant/child CPR, and her Mom is an RN.  What is wrong with me?  It's not fear.  It's pure laziness.  I really need to set up a regular thing. 

• Buy less. Make more.  I really enjoyed my crafty spurt this year.  It was larger than normal thanks to a steady stream of internet inspiration from SouleMama, The Angry Chicken and The Rowdy Pea.  I want to make myself some placemats and a table runner, some pajama pants (as gifts, too), floor cushions, a memory game for Huck and a set of natural wood (as in from tree limbs) building blocks.  The handmade Christmas gift thing went so well for me this year I'm going to try and continue it for gifts throughout the year.  I already have ideas for birthdays through May.
  

I think I'll stop there.

May I stay the course.