Jonah Lisa Land

Empty

I've been struggling with how, even whether, to write about this.  But why not?  Like I have shame now?  Like I want my privacy? 

Pu-leeease.

I had a miscarriage in late July.  If all had not gone so horribly wrong, I would have a newborn right now.  But everything did go wrong and there is no baby.

As they say, it wasn't meant to be.  I've heard lots of women talk about how horrible that statement made them feel but I found comfort in the thought.  Something was wrong with the pregnancy from very early on.  I always felt like my body did exactly what it was supposed to do under those circumstances.  Even so, it was very hard.

I've never been one to put off emotions.  When I have them, I have them.  And I usually have them BIG.  So I went through all the crying and all the screaming immediately and came out the other end pretty quickly.  I knew I would never forget, but I also felt like I was past the real hurt of it. 

Which is why the emotions I've been having as my due date has approached and passed have been a little surprising to me.  It's nothing like the intense pain I went through this summer.  It's more like a bruised feeling.  Like the calendar just pressed on a sore spot I forgot was there. 

I'm glad to see February 2008 pass but I can't help wondering if the due date of the pregnancy I lost will be tattooed on me forever.  Will it always be a hard month, a hard week, eventually maybe just a hard day?  Will it hurt a little every year no matter how many children I have?  I wonder...

Anyway, happy March.  For some of you that's actually Spring!  Can you sense my envy?

Comment Box

Okay, all you Toby Show patrons, I need some feedback.

I'm not whining for more comments in general here, though they are very nice and I would LOVE more on a regular basis (and let me be clear that I have no problem with whining for comments and reserve the right to employ that tactic in the future).  No, what I'm talking about is more of a periodic job review type thingy.  And not just hand-licking either.  Again, hand-licking is fine and feel free lick away if you want to, I can take it, but what I need is some constructive criticism. 

I've had this thing up and running for about 3-4 months now.  I've been all over the map, following my whims to and fro--sex, crafts, advice, green living, pictures, a few newsy items, and the day to day goings on here in the middle of nowhere.  And I'm enjoying it.  I'm sure that's enough for all the bloggers who really do this "just for themselves" as an outlet for their thoughts and interests.  And yes, The Toby Show is certainly that for me too, to a great extent, but not just. 

I like an audience.  And as an unrepentant performer down to my bones I just can't help wanting to tweak the show a bit so that you, the...viewer?  reader?  supreme time waster?...has a better experience.

I mean, I know you're out there. 

Here in bloggie land we can see how many people stop by each day and how many pages you look at.  We can even see what city or country you're in.  No one talks much about that out in the open and I didn't even know it before I had a blog myself, but it's really half the fun.  The excitement I feel when I see that someone in Kuala Lampur has perused my cloth coasters or someone in Qatar has has viewed a photo of my dog's pee is...well, overwhelming.  And may I just tell you, I'm a big deal in Canada. 

But what I can't see is if your laughing appropriately, taking copious notes, or are just slowing down to look at a train wreck you happen to be passing by. 

So, help me out here.  There's no need to be mean, but is there anything you'd you like to see more of?  Less of?  Is the layout easy to use and eye-pleasing?  I'm really still pretty new to all this so any thoughts or insights would be great.  Think of it like a Nielson poll so I can adjust the programming to my demographic, if you will.  This is your chance! Comment here or feel free to email me directly. 

And thanks for taking the time.

Bzzzzz

I'm seriously thinking about using these on Huck. 

But I'm scared.  And I think he might be, too.

It's not intended as a punishment for the bed escapes.   I'm just wondering how cute he'd look with a little man haircut.   Also, I'm really fed up with the unmanageable back of the head fluff he has every day.  It looks like I rat his hair back there.

Adventures in Big Boy Bed Land

Instead of napping for 3+ hours like he promised me he would do until the 8th grade, for the past few weeks Huck has been perfecting the stealth crib escape.   I have gone back to using the monitor and I swear, you can't hear a thing.  It's like he's a ninja or something.  The only way I know he's out is when I hear him open his door to peek out. 

So we made the switch...sort of. 

We've had all kinds of advice: buy a crib tent, convert the crib to the toddler bed and go cold turkey, install a hook and eye latch on the door, etc.  And frankly, the options left us paralyzed for a while.  Our trip to Texas seemed to stall his Houdini tendencies for a while but since we've been back things have gotten progressively worse.  Until now, when he's actually limping...

OOPS! 

See how crazy things are?  I posted this entry unfinished!  ARG!

Anyway, the poor kid miscalculated, took a swan dive the other day and hurt his little leg (yes, I heard that one), so we finally made the jump to a big boy bed.  We've kept the crib intact in case things degenerate so badly that we need to retrench for a while.  Somehow trying to keep him in the crib by using a tent (though appealing for obvious reasons) felt like trying to stop a natural developmental progression to us. 

So, he now has a full sized futon on the floor of his room.  And he LOVES it.  Of course, as expected, we've unleashed another world of hurt--protracted bedtimes and 5am mischief.  It's just impossible to keep him in it, or in the room for that matter, if he's awake.   When he has a normal wake cycle in the night, instead of immediately rolling over and going back to sleep, he looks around and goes, "Holy Cow!  I'm free! I could unroll all the toilet paper and no one would know!" 

So, we've basically traded one problem for another.  But, in a way, I guess that's what this growing up thing is all about.  I'm sure we'll work it out.

In the mean time, if I happen to put up any more obviously incomplete posts, just roll your eyes and know that I've probably spent the wee hours of the morning trying to convince a toddler that 4am isn't a good time for pancakes.

Rearranging

In a probably futile attempt to get Spring to come sooner, we've been rearranging the house.  That's why I've been AWOL for a few days.  My. House. Is. A. Wreck.  Completely torn apart and only half put back together again.  Computer on the floor, sofa cushions piled on the table, toys heaped on the guest bed, chairs and end tables all willy nilly.  It's an obstacle course.  No toes are safe. 

I come from a family where no furniture was ever rearranged during my entire childhood, except for the one time when we moved houses.  And even then, certain rooms were just sort of transported intact. We just weren't that kind of people.  We were the kind of people who set up our little world and then snuggled down into the ruts.  Dressers and beds stayed in their original places until they began to slowly decompose from the legs up. 

My husband on the other hand, gets bored and likes to shake things up now and then.  Going along with him on this is a cheaper cure for cabin fever than a vacation we can't afford.  And I don't really mind.  I try to get excited and flow with it but, deep down inside, it does kinda set me on edge.  It's the whole "A place for everything, and everything in it's place" mentality that is part of my DNA.  Oh well, to hell with that. Things will find new places.  Here's what we've done:

We moved the playroom/family room from the small upstairs loft down into the basement...

Moved the office from the huge basement to the upstairs loft...

Moved storage from a future bathroom in the basement to the high sleeping loft in Huck's room...

Moved the full futon from the sleeping loft down onto Huck's floor because the crib escapes have not magically disappeared...

and, drum roll...

Turned the future bathroom in the basement into MY CRAFT ROOM!   It's small cozy, but a huge upgrade from having my sewing machine on the end of the dining room table and all my junk in tubs under my bed.   

I'll post some pictures once we have have Humpty Dumpty put back together again.

I don't know if this will make it stop snowing or not but I think it will at least keep us from sleepwalking around our life for a while and kick start the spring cleaning process that I've been making lists for but not actually beginning.

Don't eat the yellow snow

Do you know how hard it is to keep a toddler from touching this?



Um...Impossible.

The Serial Killer in the Basement

I've been procrastinating on getting my ponytail sent off to Locks of Love.  I got the address and downloaded the donation form immediately, even sealed the hair up in a plastic bag like you're supposed to.  But getting everything packaged and to the post office was been hanging me up for some reason.  I mean it's hard enough to find the time for all the regular shit, much less shipping hair across the country.  But yesterday I finally went downstairs to round it all up and do the deed...

AND MY HAIR WAS GONE! 

Now a foot of bright orange hair doesn't just weave itself into a pair of cute culottes and walk away.  Don't worry, the mystery didn't last long.  I looked around a little and then asked the most likely suspect--call me Columbo, but I had a hunch. 

Stephen had hidden it.  The ziplock containing my ponytail had been out on our shared desk for days and it seems it just started to creep him out.  He said it was like some serial killer's trophy sitting there or an evidence bag from a grisly murder scene.  He tried to ignore it for a while but it was really giving him the willies so he finally stuffed it in a desk drawer. 

Even after he told me I had some trouble finding it because, not only did he hide it in a drawer out of sight, he stacked a bunch of file folders and notepads ON TOP of it.  You know, so it wouldn't climb out of there a GIT HIM.

Here's the spooky hair in it's evidence bag.

I guess I understand...sort of.   I had Live Bootleg by Aerosmith when I was about 9 or 10 and the picture of Steven Tyler in the fold out freaked me out so bad I couldn't sleep at night if the album was out.  Just closing it or turning it around was never quite enough to quell my fears.   I had to bury it under other albums.   Like maybe Captain and Tenelle would neutralize Steven Tyler's giant gaping maw and keep him from eating me while I slept.  Of course, I was a 9-year-old girl.

Whatever.  The offending hair is gone and Stephen can rest at ease once more.

Comfort Food :: Soup & Scones

I made a great dinner Sunday night, so like any good blogger on the make for content, I snapped some pictures and now I'm going to brag about it. 

The Curried Pumpkin Soup recipe is from my friend Gredel (thanks!) and it won't disappoint.  I paired it with Ham & Cheddar Scones from The Hay Day Country Market Cookbook.  Both recipes are very easy.  The soup in particular comes together so fast you really won't believe it.  Most people would probably want a salad with this meal, but I'm not really a salad person so we rarely make them unless we're having company.

 

Curried Pumpkin Soup

2 Tbsp Butter
1/2 lb fresh mushrooms, sliced
1/2 cup chopped onions
2 Tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp curry powder
3 cups vegetable broth
15 oz solid pack pumpkin
12 oz evaporated milk
1 Tbsp honey
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp nutmeg
chives, chopped (optional)

Melt the butter in a large saucepan and saute the mushrooms and onions until tender.  Lower the heat, add the flour and curry powder, and stir until well blended.  Gradually add the broth while stirring.   Turn p the heat again and bring it to a boil.  Cook and stir for 2 minutes, or until thickened a little.  Add the pumpkin, evaporated milk, honey, salt, pepper & nutmeg and heat through. Garnish with chives, if desired.  Makes 4 servings.

Ham & Cheddar Scones

I usually make these for breakfast or brunch but they were great with the soup for dinner, too.  And it's a pretty good basic scone recipe so you can get creative with the additions it you don't like ham.  I've never made any variations but you could try other cheeses, bacon, or even just do berries or currants (but remember to cut the cayenne if you don't make a savory scone).  I'd say these are a tad less crumbly and more moist that a tradional English scone--but I like it that way.

2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
2 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 Tbsp baking powder
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
6 Tbsp unsalted butter, chilled & cut into small pieces
3 oz sharp Cheddar cheese (about 1 cup)
4 oz Virginia or Black Forest ham, diced
1 egg
2/3 cup milk
2 Tbsp milk, for glaze

Preheat oven to 400F.  In a large bowl, mix flour, sugar, salt, baking powder & cayenne.  Use a hand pasty blender or food processor to work in the butter until the bits are no larger than small grains of rice.  Add cheese & ham and toss, separating any clumps of cheese that form.

Whisk the egg and 2/3 cup of milk together in a small bowl then add it to the dry ingredients.  Stir until everything is moist and a soft dough is formed--it will be slightly tacky & crumbly. 

With lightly floured hands, gather the dough together.  Using the palm of your hand, press it out onto an ungreased or parchment-lined baking sheet to form an 8-inch round.

Use a long sharp knife to divide the round into 8 equal wedges.  Pull the wedges apart.  Brush each piece with the 2 Tbsp of milk on all sides. 

Bake until lightly browned and nearly doubled in size, 18 to 20 minutes.  Serve warm or room temperature.

We especially love topour this soup into big mugs, pile the scones in a basket and eat it out at the firepit in the fall.   It's the best.

"Oh Shit!"

The honeymoon is over.  Huck said, "Oh shit" this morning right after I said it.  Well, he really said "Oh tit," but it's only a matter of time before he manages the "Sh" sound.

So we're at full Defcon 5 code blue red terror alert.  I have to admit that my husband is doing much better than I am.  What the fuck is up with that? 

I'll guess be saying "Oh fiddle" and sounding like Ned Flanders before long.

Largest Beef Recall in US History!

Why organic?  Because I don't want anything to do with this.